Secret sex

SAISON 1 - EPISODE 6

The episode! Finally, after 5 episodes of random hookups, it’s time for Carrie and Big’s first official date. First things first: a summit meeting with Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda to discuss the possibilities of this first date—or, more simply, the famous "to sleep or not to sleep together on the first night" dilemma.

It's a complex question that’s still very relevant today, and above all: is there really an answer to this riddle? I’ve heard a thousand different opinions—the yeses, the nos, the in-betweens! What should you do? Who should you listen to? Your gut, your best friend, your neighbor? The list of pros and cons is long and, above all, personal. While this subject fascinates me (and I definitely plan on writing a column about it, no worries), this episode focuses more on secret relationships and unacknowledged or unowned affairs.

So, back to Carrie, dressed in her famous "naked dress" and her gorgeous (and, above all, very real) fur coat, off to meet the man of her life. Spoiler alert! She doesn’t know it yet! Just goes to show, there’s always hope! All it takes is one "interesting dress" from Big to turn every question into a practical analysis.

Right after making love, Big suggests Chinese food. Did Carrie escape the "sex on the first date" curse? Arriving at the restaurant, she runs into Mike, an old friend who is dining with a girl completely unknown to the group—and who, in a very awkward move, doesn’t introduce her. The next day, an intrigued Carrie calls him to understand his attitude: Mike refuses to go public with Libby. He thinks she's smart, funny, affectionate; he feels great with her and the sex has never been better! Yet, she’s not the woman he envisions for himself, hence the choice of an obscure Chinese spot—perfect for "shameful" dates.

A cold shower for Carrie, who wonders if Big hasn't put her in the "secret affair" box too. True, between the Chinese restaurant and the various excuses for not meeting up, the question is valid. And if Mike’s reasoning seems a bit shallow, how many people have a blast in bed with someone they’d be embarrassed to introduce to their friends? Better yet: have you ever kept a love story or a hookup to yourself for fear of what those close to you might think?

While secret relationships appear hurtful here, they can also be a supreme form of intimacy in its purest state, away from the world's judgment. After all, it's normal—or at least not abnormal—to hide at the start of a relationship, to keep your feelings to yourself and see how things evolve. But where is the line between guarding your "private garden" for a while and being embarrassed by the person you're seeing?

In a way, if Carrie is questioning things here, she’s mostly looking for validation from Big, and she tries to get what she wants through a lot of high drama. Is it really necessary? It seems to me that today, women no longer—or perhaps less so—wait for men's validation. They aren't the ones who decide whether you're a couple or not. Whether or not the relationship happens in broad daylight. So 2000s!

Nowadays, women aren't dependent on men, and they get tired more quickly of a man who won't own the relationship—whether he's denying his feelings or pigeonholing his emotions. But here we go again: does sleeping together on the first night actually have an impact on the future of the relationship?

Can women truly live out their sexuality exactly how they want? Meaning, I’ve still got a lot of work to do!

A presto,

Rebecca